I lost my grandpa. Man that is hard to actually type. Just over a year after my grandma passed away, my grandpa joined her. They always loved taking road trips all over the US. Though I think they liked flying just as much.
When I got the news earlier this week it hit me, but maybe because I was away from home it wasn’t the devestation that I am now finding. You know, that wait it couldn’t really be true, but looking at his obituary online it really is. My heart hurts. The tears are flowing down my face as the realization comes forward that I have one grandparent left in my life. When I was 16 (just 16) I lost my grandpa P. It was so difficult to know that we wouldn’t go out to the farm anymore. That same year I lost my great grandma D in May and New Years Eve lost my 5 year old cousin to a freak accident. During my junior or senior year I lost my great grandma K. After getting married I lost my great grandpa K, he lived to be 100 years old by one month how awesome is that! In 2003 I lost my 17 year old cousin to a car accident. She was killed by a drunk driver as was her best friend that was due to graduate that day. Not long after that I lost my other great-grandpa. Again he lived to be 100 years old by a month. Just last year my grandma K passed away after a long and amazing battle with cancer. It started out as breast cancer and ended up going into her bones. It slowly took her away from us, but it didn’t win. God won, because she was whole again and pain free. Now my grandpa. For a short time, we had 5 generations alive. C had a great-great grandpa and I have a beautiful picture to always remember that. Now there are three generations left on that side. The stories have ended and I never got them written down. Now I need to make time with siblings of my grandparents to get those stories for my girls to always have.
In my head I have some great memories of my grandparents. They aren’t always great and I can admit I wasn’t always the best grandchild, but I know I was loved by them both as were my girls. I remember making homemade ice cream on the machine that you had to hand crank. After it was made I would put Creme de Menthe on the vanilla ice cream and enjoy it. My grandma loved butterscotch. I remember staying with my grandma for a few weeks when she broke her ankle and was in a wheelchair. She allowed me to walk down to the local pool and go swimming even though I was suppose to stay with her. I would sit on the rollaway bed that was in the “loft” area before going into the two bedrooms upstairs and play with the buttons that grandma collected in a jar. I want to say I learned about Tom and Jerry’s at their house, though mine were always virgin. And memories that make me laugh as my favorite was singing happy birthday to a couple cans of pop. Yes they kept pop until someone either drank it or dumped it out without them knowing as they didn’t want to waste money. When my cousin passed away at the age of 5, they were staying with one of my uncles and their house caught fire. Thankfully no one was there at the time, but they did what they could to save as much as possible in their house, regardless if even years after the fire it still smelled just a little bit of fire.
My heart is very heavy tonight and I will get through this as I was the strong first grandchild a year ago just a few days after my birthday. I continue to work through the emotions that I have in my head and in my heart. The guilt I feel for not going down there and visiting family more, especially since they only live 3.5 hours away. My kids come first, but they also need to have time with their extended family while they are here. I need to get down there and get the stories from my lone grandparent of how she met my grandfather and their life on the farm. I seem to say this quite a bit but it just doesn’t happen. Now it needs to. I will be down there tomorrow, hopefully if the snow holds back so we can get down there safely.
I love you Grandpa. Enjoy the new car trips with Grandma. We all miss you both so very much but know that the angels watching over us are two amazing people.
